First off, happy birthday to me. Well, my birthday was yesterday, but apparently, I cannot count and scheduled the blog to launch the day after my birthday. Man has the last year (both calendar and birthday year) has been one for the books. Transformation does not seem to quantify the amounts of shifts and changes that have occurred since November 2017. 2018 to date has knocked me flat on my back, leaving breathless over and over again; almost with unrelenting force. I felt like I was in a constant state of submission. The fabric of who I thought I was ripped at the seams exposing every weakness. The year’s events brandished for the world to see every lie I told my self, and made public my insecurities.
During this past year, I experienced the death of Danell as I knew her and witnessed the birth of a completely new person. This new person was both foreign and familiar at the same time. Although the final product is unfathomable, the death was excruciating. Ironically, even in the more difficult times, I knew that everything taking place was handcrafted to create space for me to be my best and highest self. I don’t know the spiritual significants of 35 but this year has been one for the books. Most of what I faced was a redesigning of who I thought I was. I spent a good portion of year 35 feeling lost and off-centered.
As I enter year 36, I decided to relaunch my blog as a present to myself. This year I will buy myself a few things and make myself a cake. Not only did I choose to do several material things for myself, but I also decided to be to me what I have been for so long to others- fucking great. I will care for me the way I care for others. I will grant me the same kindest, Grace and Mercy I readily extend to people in my life. From here on, I will put the mental, physical, and spiritual effort into my greatness that I invest in my partner and my children. I will put my mask before helping anyone else with theirs. 36 is the year of joy, fun, creativity, and abundance.
This relaunch came as a result of me reevaluating what I wanted on many different levels. I needed to realign my actions with my intent, and I needed to reexamine my commitment to myself — the personal work involved in all that lead me to realized that I needed. I needed an outlet for my thoughts and feelings. I needed a space that was not dependent on the engagement of others. Let’s be real; I do not know may people want to sit and talk about their thinking all day. Most of the people I know and love are not interested in having heavy gut-wrenching thought-provoking conversations regularly. With age, I have learned to understand and accept that not everyone is like me. I have also come to know that I cannot shrink my thoughts or feelings down for connection; the cost is too high. It is all about balance, and this blog is my balance.
Happy birthday to me.