Oh my goodness, the struggle is real. Yes, I know it has be months since I last posted on the blog. It is’t that I have not thought endlessly about writing. I have just be caught up with life and everything it entails. The way my personality is set up I often do not take on tasks I am not 100% sure I will be able to see all the way through which keeps me safe from failing. I tend to hold the belief I should always be on 100 whenever I do something (also serves as a barrier to failing), which as one can image can be both disappointing and exhausting. I image if I wrote more and thought less I would not have taken an hiatus from the blog in the first place. Here’s to more doing and less thinking.
I am currently in a transition period where my family is moving and I am changing jobs (maybe even careers). So what better time to pick up a pen and pad (or laptop) and start back writing. So, today’s post is all about the space between where I am and where I am headed.
I think this is the first time in my life I am truly able to experience transition, in a savoy the moment type of way. All of the other changes in my life had been fueled by busy energy rushing from on task to the next. During this current transition I feel like I am, more times than not, the witness to all that is taking place. THIS is BIG for me because this is the first time I feel completely secure in me. This personal security and personal comfort is inherently mirror in my surroundings. I am at a level of peace I had only read about in books. The type of bliss that comes with knowing no matter what all is well. Times like this I am most grateful for my personal practice.
For the last year, I have been in the process of entering into different phases of being. There has been no rhyme or reason for the “phases” just listening to my inner voice and moving from one state to another. Currently, I am living in Grace and inspiration. This means I am deliberately practicing Grace on a personal level and allowing everything that shows up to service as inspiration for me in whatever way it best serves me. Grace is my favorite thing, yet it is thing I give myself the least. I offer Grace to people all of the time. With an open heart I receive it from others with, but it is a battle to offer it to myself. So, I have made it my work to extend Grace to lil ol me without exception.
It has been difficult to extend to myself Grace because I often have high expectations about who I should be. I straddle the space between where I want to be and where I have come, rarely giving myself credit for where I am. This is not a mindfulness issue because I can be present, rather this a “you get to have the human experience too” issue. Heck- I am allowed to be human just like every other person. I get to experience all of the human emotions and insecurities. Despite knowing that I am human like every other person on this vast planet when I am faced with the shadow of the human condition I become deeply disappointed with myself. I am often quick to forget that the shadow or darkness is where is the light enters. So, today I offer myself Grace knowing all of the dark and heavy is only creating space for the light to shine.
Inspiration- I strongly believe in the power of intention, so when I am missing something or in a space of wanting I set the intention that whatever I am needing will show up in my day to day life. This, of course, is the condensed version of how intention works but you get the point. I am a creative person by nature. I like to build, cook, paint and draw. I enjoy problem solving and developing solutions. However, over the last year I have struggled with feeling inspired to created in any form. Anyone who knows me knows my go to way of releasing pent up energy is to create using food, but over the last year baking and cooking have been a chore for me. After setting in thought I realize I have been lacking inspiration. I am bored and not from a lack of things to do, but the kind of boredom that births chaos and breeds havoc. You know the kind of void that causes a deep restlessness- that’s where I am at. I need to feel in awe of, captured by, and moved to tears. I am craving to be inspired by something. Since I know my life is full and complete I set the intention that as I moved through each day I am open and willing to be inspired by all that happens. No matter how large or small the event or thing I am up for the task of being moved by it all. My heart is open to being jolted and my mind is ready to witness beauty in every single form. Fun right?
Ironically, as I set off to offer myself Grace and be inspired by all that is around me my friend text me “ you need to write today, no excuses just write”. Divine timing if I don’t say so myself.